**I wrote this in January and never posted it. I found it in my drafts and I feel like it still reflects my feelings of today....here ya go!
The last few weeks have been especially hard for me. I guess thats why I haven't wanted to blog. It's been hard to look at the positive things going on around me. Don't get me wrong, I love my children and I love my husband. But I miss my mother-in-law. Plain and simple. There are so many things that I need to talk to her about. So many things that I need her advice on. At times I think life is not fair. Why would she be taken from me at a time when I need her so badly. I know she is close, I feel her presence often. But man, it would feel so good to talk to her.
As some of you know, I had 2 miscarriages last year. TMI sorry. The first baby would have been born on Christmas 2009. The second one would have been born middle of February 2010. I had no idea how much these experiences would change my outlook on life. The first one was difficult emotionally. The second was even harder. Talk about a slap in the face. Am I not healthy enough to carry a child? Does Heavenly Father not think I am worthy enough? All of a sudden I view my kids as blessings and miracles. I treat my children in a different way now. I have always enjoyed my time with them but I have really started
to focus on how I treat them.
We want another baby so badly. Sometimes I feel selfish for wanting another one even though I already have 4. Honestly, I would have 10 kids if I could. I love pregnancy. I love newborns. Part of me just wants to prove that I can get pregnant again. I want to prove that I can have a healthy baby. Sounds crazy, I know!
So for now, I am trying to find joy in the things Heavenly Father has given me. We truly are blessed and I need to remember that when I start feeling down.
I love the beginning of a new year. I love that it forces me to reflect on my life and make changes. Hopefully by posting these it will keep me accountable.
New Year's Resolutions are:
1. Start exercising. This is going to be a tough one, but my body needs it.
2. Get more out of my scripture reading.
3. Be a fun mom. Enjoy the journey, not the destination.
4. Focus on the needs of people around me.
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Haught Family
About Me
- Taylor and Stephanie Haught
- Taylor and I got married in Sept. of 2000. 10 years and 4 kids later....we find ourselves living in Albuquerque, NM. What a shock!! Surprisingly, we love it. We are so happy here. Although we miss our families we both know that eventually we will move back home to AZ.
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Cooper
9 years old
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6 comments:
It will happen... it took us 2 1/2 years to have Easton. Just keep praying and LOVE life! (: I will be thinking of ya!
It will happen... it took us 2 1/2 years to have Easton. Just keep praying and LOVE life! (: I will be thinking of ya!
I'm so sorry about the miscarriages! It can be hard to realize why things happen the way they do and that it is the Lord's way. It sounds like you have a great attitude moving forward! I have a good friend here who is like you and loves being pregnant and would love more kids, but she has two severe autistic children and it keeps her busy! I wish I loved being pregnant, but I really hate it! :) I think you are a fun mom! Good luck!
I can only imagine how hard that is...to want to have something that is a righteous desire, and to not get it without any explaination. I wonder, often, if some of the trials we have to go through just so we can be a comfort to others... Just a theory...
I am sorry you are having a hard time! Call me if you ever want to talk. I wish there was something I could do to help. Miscarrying twice would be so difficult! Even when I miscarried once it was hard, but I look back and realize how it made me really appreciate the miracle of getting pregnant and children. I don't think I had that appreciation as much getting pregnant with Tylie because it came so easy. There may not be an answer now but maybe in the future you will realize something. My brother just now, 7 years after getting cancer, has realized what he learned and wrote it in a letter last week from his mission. Anyways, didn't mean to preach! Those thoughts just came as I was writing! I know it doesn't take the pain away though. Love ya!
So sorry to hear about your miscarriages. They are so hard to go through again and again. I didn't have 2 healthy pregnancies in a row till my 4th! It does change your perspective, but now that I have some space from them, it has changed me for the better. I hope that you find peace in the process of waiting. Angela
ps-I found out that a medical problem was possibly causing me to miscarry-simple blood test and medication and it got better. It's not that easy for everyone but just a thought that you could check out. :)
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