I don't know how to cleverly start this post so I'm just gonna jump right into it.
The last couple of years, I have struggled with sustaining a pregnancy. Last year I lost 2 pregnancies both within the first 12 weeks. It was devastating and I thought for sure it wouldn't happen again...not to me anyways...I have 4 healthy children. I have never had complications.
In March of this year I got pregnant again. I found out very early. I was ecstatic!! From the beginning my symptoms were strong. I went for an ultrasound at 6 weeks. There we found out we were having TWINS!! They had heartbeats and looked extremely healthy. Taylor and I both cried, we were so happy. We hardly spoke as we left the office, we were in total shock! I thought to myself, "this is it, the pregnancy that is going to last!!" For a week straight I stared at the ultrasound pics, in awe of the thought that I could have twins. I had an ultrasound at 7 weeks, babies still looked good. My doctor thought he saw a third baby. We were on an emotional high! Finally I was going to be blessed for the trials I have been through. My doc sent me to a specialist a week later and we found out that both babies had passed away. No heartbeats were found. They quit growing at 7 weeks. I had to do a D&C the next day. My Doc did it in his office and I was awake during the whole procedure. I could hear and feel everything. It was by far the worst day of my life. I didn't think I could go on. I was heart broken to say the least. My doc ordered all types of blood work to try and find out why I'm losing my babies. No answers were found.
I mustered up the courage to try again. In July I found out I was pregnant. I was excited and nervous. I have never prayed so hard for something in my entire life. I begged and pleaded with the Lord to give me a healthy baby. The doc assured me that from a medical stand point everything looked great. I started taking progesterone supplements from the day I took the pregnancy test. I felt good about this pregnancy. I opted not to do any ultrasounds or blood work because it just made me get attached to something that could be ripped away so quickly. I had shared my news with some close friends of mine. It helped my anxiety knowing that other people were aware of what I was going through.
We went to AZ for a family wedding last Thursday (that's another post). I was about 6weeks pregnant. I started cramping and bleeding heavily on Saturday. I lost the baby on Sunday. Talk about horrible timing. I forced myself to wear a smile for the remainder of the weekend. I didn't think my heart could be broken again. I am so sad and confused.
Well, it's been 1 week since I lost my 5th baby. I never thought I would ever have to say that! I know that everyone goes through trials....for some reason that doesn't lighten my pain. Now I'm left to pick up my broken heart and keep moving forward. Thank goodness I have such an amazing hubby by my side.
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11 comments:
Stephanie... I am so so sorry. That is horrible. If there is something wrong, I hope you figure out what it is. What a hard trial to go through! You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
That is so awful. I'm so sorry, Stephanie. You will have so many beautiful spirits waiting for you in heaven. One of my friends had multiple miscarriages before her first son and they found out it was her thyroid. Now she takes thyroid medicine and hasn't had a miscarriage since. I'm sure your doctors have checked everthing, but you could ask them about that. That is such a hard thing to go through. I'm sorry. I hope you get things figured out!
It breaks my heart to read this! I told you before that we went to a great specialist to get pregnant with both our babies. Email me if you want to talk about it. He helped a friend of ours who had multiple miscarriages have a baby too. ktluvdanger@gmail.com Much love!
so sorry to hear this Stephanie, I was hoping for you and I'm so sorry. that is not fun at all. Hope you are okay. hfg
I had no idea you were going through so much. My heart literally breaks for you. I haven't ever lost a baby, but I know what heartache feels like when things don't go as planned and hoped for. I know we don't know each other really well, but I hope you know I am here to help out in any way I can.
Steph,
What a strong woman you are. Completely amazing. So much heartbreak and yet you push on. A true Emma, I say. Please, please, let me help you if you need anything. Your desire is righteous, and the Lord will bless you, one way or another. You are in my prayers.
Stephanie! I am so sorry. It just makes me bawl! You are such a good mom and another Haught baby would be so lucky to join your family. You hit it on the head, though. I admire your faith. I am praying for you!
So sorry about this hard year for you. Hopefully good times are ahead!
You're incredible and so brave to post about this.
I love you, girl!
Your post just makes me cry. It was weird - before I read it I saw your new family pic and for the first time ever, I kept lookin over it thinking you must have had a sitter for one of your kids. One of your kids was missing...but as I counted and recounted, I realized my mind was playing tricks on me. Then to read your post, it was so sad. I'm sorry for your pain. It makes me think though, of what I heard Jackson say to me after he died (weird to just type that): that he had to do it for me and Blue to fulfill our destiny. HOW could I need that? How could a loving Heavenly Father require that? But, I know that he is loving and somehow it's all true. Whatever construction you and Taylor have to go through because of this, somehow, it's for your ultimate happiness.
I'm so proud of you for being open about it and for bravely entering this time of grieving. I wish I was there to eat with you and watch tv to zone it all out on the couch!
Oh Stephanie! That is so sad and awful. I am so sorry. I had no idea. I hope you can feel better. That's got to be so rough. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers!
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